My Average Child

As I write these words, I imagine my son stumbling upon them as a teenager, full of angst. He will read that I consider him "average" and be hurt and infuriated that I set my sights so low for him. I feel that this is something I have, in turn, felt against my parents. How dare they feel that I'm not the most specialist snowflake in all the world and be president of everything.

So here is my response to that hypothetical: Calm down. This is less of a critique of your abilities and talents, my son, and more of a way to ease myself down from the competitive parenting band wagon.

At 4,  he is really good at some things, and also really not good at others. For example, he learnt how to ride a bike (with training wheels) last year. He didn't really get braking and steering until this year. He now can start, stop and steer with some confidence, although he still gets nervous when the ground slopes and the bike starts going without his control. Being the proud mama I am, talking to other parents, "I'm so happy that Alpha has learnt to ride his bike so well, wow, your son is really good too, how old is he?" I ask, expecting the answer to be somewhere over 4. "Oh, he just turned 3," they reply. Oh. So your 3 year old already rides better than my 4 year old.

I see the same thing when he runs around with other kids. He is small and slight of stature, so invariably, he falls behind the other kids. And how I yearn for him to be first. Really though, looking at the giant grin on his face, he doesn't care, so why should I?

He is able to build Lego sets, at 4, that are for ages 6+ or 8+. He has mastered the art of building new things from Lego, and creates entire worlds and scenarios for his mini-figures. He will play for hours, content with his creativity and ingenuity. How many 4 year olds can boast that?

What this means, as far as I can tell, is that I need to stop putting my expectations on him. Alpha is who he is. He has strengths and weaknesses. As do we all. His cautious nature means that he needs to test a new situation before gaining the confidence to go full tilt. I need to let him learn on his own terms, and give him the confidence to either succeed or fail. Easier said than done, right?